Addictions & Co-Dependence
“That, of course, is the devil's bargain of addiction: a short-term
good feeling in exchange for the steady meltdown of one's life”
Addiction is a chronic disorder developed as a result of a number of factors that impact a person towards medicating or distracting from life – possibly a combination of social, genetic, biological, emotional and physical factors.
Addiction may appear in many different forms.
- Abuse of a substance: such as addiction to drugs encompassing a wide variety of any one of or all of over-the-counter, prescription or illegal drugs, alcohol, nicotine, etc.
- Addictive behaviours or processes: such as shopping, gambling, mobile phone use, internet, sex and love addiction, raging, withdrawing, working, obsessing, intellecting, etc.
Co-dependence often goes hand in hand where addiction is present. Co-dependence is about loss of self in a relationship, where the focus is on the other person, often the addict or seen to be the one with the ‘problem or issue’. Some definitions of co-dependence and its origins are:
“A disorder of immaturity caused by childhood issues” – Pia Mellody
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling” – Melody Beattie
“any suffering and/or dysfunction that is associated with or results from focusing on the needs and behaviour of others … to the neglect of own true self” – Charles Whitfield
Children growing up in family systems where addiction is present are more vulnerable to being either addictive or co-dependent - through learning behaviour of focusing on the addict in order to know how chaotic life would be each day; or to being addictive – perhaps genetically, yet also through the process of seeing those behaviours as a modus operandi for dealing with life.
Both addiction and co-dependence are about loss of self – either to a substance, behaviour or to another person. Both are complex issues that may require a varied approach to healing. De-toxification is required in the case of substance abuse, with ongoing recovery support essential, through methods such as 12 - step or recovery group meetings, sponsorship support, counselling or ongoing therapy.
Core beliefs about self may need to be challenged and worked through, thus therapeutic exploration of the family system is often useful, as is learning to acknowledge and support self, getting in touch with our feelings, shame reduction and inner child work. Therapeutic techniques that work with the unconscious mind, such as hypnotherapy, sand play or creative interventions may also assist in healing from addiction and co-dependency.
Further Resources:
Set Yourself Free (From Addiction and Co-dependence) - S. Smith
Griffin Press SBN 0-9751021-0-9
Facing Codependence (What is it, Where it comes from, How it sabotages our lives) - P. Mellody
HarperCollins ISBN 0-06-250589-0
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